Recently I went shopping. When a few girlfriends asked, “What are you doing this weekend?” and I said, “I’m heading out to find some new shorts,” there was this shared look between us, defeated, exhausted, bracing.

We didn’t even need to say it out loud. We all knew.

For many women, clothes shopping isn’t neutral. It carries years of messaging about how we should look, how we should change, and how our bodies should somehow cooperate with trends, lighting, and sizing that seems to shift overnight.

Let’s name something important here.

Spaces like malls are intentionally designed to disorient us. The concept known as Gruen effect describes how retail environments are structured to overwhelm the senses just enough that we become more suggestible and impulsive. Add harsh lighting, mirrors from every angle, and marketing that quietly implies we are one product away from being “fixed,” and it’s no wonder so many of us leave feeling worse than when we walked in.

Marketing, by design, creates a problem so it can sell a solution. Notice texture on your skin? There’s a product for that. Notice your very human belly, the one that holds your organs and keeps you alive? There’s shapewear for that too.

Over time, as us therapists like to call this, we internalize these messages. We start to believe we are the issue, rather than the system that profits from our self-doubt.

So how do we protect our brains and our hearts in the middle of it?

A few gentle reminders I come back to:

Meet your basic needs first.
Eat. Hydrate. Move your body in a way that feels connecting, not punishing. Hunger plus caffeine plus fluorescent lighting is rarely a recipe for self-compassion. If you’re anything like me, and a non-city gal, exercise in the morning before a day in the city makes the world of a difference. 

Second! Repeat after me. Clothes are meant to fit our bodies, our bodies are not meant to fit clothes. If something pinches, pulls, or just gives you that “blah” feeling, DITCH IT. We didn’t evolve for millions of years for an Artizia t-shirt to be the downfall. 

Limit mirror spirals. Do not stand in the mirror talking about all the reasons why your body needs to change, or isn’t good enough. If you try the shirt/pants/dress on, and it doesn’t fit, first glance is leaving some room for love, change! Reduce the time you're standing there in the mirror thinking about all the reasons why you don’t like it. 

Fourth, try something on first without looking in the mirror. How does it feel? Do you feel cute? Does it feel like it flows in all the right places? Connect with your intuition and your body first, then look, rather than basing how you feel about an article of clothing, off of the visual look. Let your body have a say before the mirror does.

Lastly. Remember that clothes sizes hold no moral value. Size XS, or 3XL, are fictitious metrics. Again, coming back to how much sizes change, and morph, if something feels weird, try a different size. Body image lives at the intersection of attachment, culture, family narratives, and lived experience

If you’re wanting support in untangling your relationship with your body, in a way that is compassionate, relational, and grounded I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

With love, 

Julia